Tomorrow is the Winter Solstice and the darkest day of the year. For many of us November 5th felt like the darkest day of the year. For me, October 28th was a different kind of darkness.
With all this darkness, I chose to paint light. The poet Lucille Clifton said, "I choose joy because I am capable of it and there are those who are not." This painting was a challenge. It's large - 20"x14". It took several initial drawings to scale up to this size and figure out what I wanted to say. How would composition, shadow, and line help me tell a story? When I started painting though, the work became about a feeling. For me, the feeling is one of increased compassion. There's a lot of dark, but you can also see light.
In another attempt to paint at this scale and balance light and dark, I choose a photo from my September weekend at Green Gulch.
The statue and the pear are true to form. The orchard I pulled together from memory. It was still a challenge to scale to this size, but it was easier. I suspect the third time I paint at this size will be easier yet. I gave myself other challenges, but I didn't aim for a feeling. I wanted to capture a memory of that day when I felt free and happy.
One of the best joys in life for me is spending time with a friend. I don't have many friends, but the ones I do have I put a lot of love and effort into. On October 28th, one of my best friends went into the hospital with a collapsed lung. Michael has pulmonary diseases - yeah, as in more than one. He was diagnosed with emphysema many years ago, but has since been diagnosed with more.
What has been difficult, at least for me, is the incremental deterioration of my friend. I've known him since I was nineteen. At the time, he was partnered with my uncle Randy. When my uncle moved on, I kept Michael. His gentle spirit, resilience, and sense of humor gives buoyancy to my life. I don't have another friend like him and never will again.
When he was healthier, we went to museums and enjoyed art together. Michael is an artist. Though his style is different than mine we like much of the same stuff. I could name all the exhibitions we've seen together and what we enjoyed.
I've always been an introvert and want to have my friends all to myself. I need to feel safe to relax and laugh. Michael does that by being himself.
This is kind of how we are together. Goofy and laughing and enjoying life. I do believe in reincarnation. I remember the first time I saw Michael and thinking he was familiar. That feeling like I knew him from a past life. It's not my job to predict the future, he may rally and have some years left. I don't know, but here's what I want to say: Thanks for being my friend in this lifetime. It was lonely and dark before we met. My life remains brighter for having you in it. I hope to see you on the next one.
Usually, I'm full of goals at the end of the year and ready to take on the world. I'm cutting myself some slack for the final weeks of 2024. I invite you to do the same.
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